Not Enough
by mandolin28
Summary: A Finchel one shot I wrote for a friend before Glease aired :D Finn imposes a 'no contact' rule and he and Rachel find out what it means to really be apart. And, Christmas, as they say is a time for making things right. Oh... and... the star makes an appearance! ;D


For my friend Lari… enjoy your flight! ;D

"Does it seem smaller to you now?"

His voice halted her feet, holding her in her place standing in the middle of a very familiar stretch of McKinley High School hallway. She struggled desperately for air fighting an accelerated heart beat and drawing on all her resources to turn around. She was one car ride away from spending the rest of her life with him and here she was preparing herself just to look at him. No amount of preparation could have readied her for what she saw when she turned around.

Finn. Of course she knew from the first word it was Finn and if she hadn't been so hellbent on getting to her seat she may have known even before that, but as gorgeous as he was standing in the dimly lit hall, it was how different he looked that left her spellbound. This was no longer a boy. This was a full fledged card carrying man. He stood there, a bit of scruff on his well defined jaw, in a grey suit complete with tie. His eyes held a sadness that broke her heart and her stomach clenched when she admitted to herself that she was part of the reason. He was holding a binder, the running script she presumed, and every natural instinct she had within her was urging her to run to him with her arms wide open. But she couldn't. Not anymore.

He was looking at her with scrutiny. Her hair was in wavy curls. Her eyes were still lined so darkly that the sparkle in them was shaded somewhat. And her clothes, black, seemed to shroud any real color she had left in her personality. Still, as unfamiliar as she appeared, he felt the tug on the cord running between their hearts. It was still his Rachel. He hadn't moved since he spoke and he didn't intend to.

Rachel took a tentative step forward. "I think it does a little, yeah," she said softly with the slightest hint of a smile. "How about you?"

Finn shrugged. "Looks about the same to me. But, then again, I haven't really left it." His jaw clenched, the same feeling of shame that caused this mess between them rising up to make itself known.

Rachel dropped her eyes away. She had hoped he would have stopped with the self pity by now. When was he ever going to get it? She took another couple of steps toward him. "Kurt says you've done a amazing job with the show. He called me after dress rehearsal last night. I can't wait to see it."

Another shrug. "The cast has done an amazing job. I just -"

"Suggested it? Cast it? Fought for it? Staged it?" She hit him with these questions in rapid succession with a warm smile on her face. And took another step forward.

"Yeah, well…" he trailed off, looking away and running a hand through his hair nervously. "I had a lot of help. And as for suggesting it?" His eyes locked with hers. "Well, I have a bit of a soft spot for this one." She smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"Me, too, Finn." He barely heard her she spoke so quietly. They held one another's eyes for awhile, words unspoken exchanged between them. Words they couldn't bring themselves to speak. She took four steps.

They were now standing a foot apart. Finn drew in a steadying breath and clutched the binder in his hand. He slid his other hand into his pocket, licking his lips and looking into her eyes. Rachel tilted her head to look up at him.

"Finn, I-"

He cleared his throat. "Hey, don't. OK? Just… thanks… you know? For coming to see the show. It'll mean a lot to everybody." He did his best impression of normal, bringing his hand out of his pocket to run it down her arm in a friendly gesture. Rachel followed his hand with her eyes, closing them when she felt his touch and nodding her head. "Enjoy the show," he said, removing his hand and walked past her toward the auditorium. She spun around to watch his back get further away from her before disappearing completely.

Rachel leaned against the lockers she was next to, tears spilling from her eyes. This was so much harder than she thought it was going to be. And that was saying a lot considering she had already imagined it would be along the lines of concentrated torture. This boy had been her very best friend for three years. They had never had a problem talking to one another. Not even when they were apart. But, the exchange that just went down was excruciating. She blinked back her tears, stood up straight and shook off the feeling of drowning that was threatening to swallow her whole. She followed his path to the heavy doors and entered the space that would always feel like her own taking her seat next to Kurt. The performance was outstanding from a direction point of view and her heart nearly burst with pride. You're the One That I Want made her cry uncontrollably and she wondered if it was effecting Finn at all. She couldn't bring herself to find out. And though, throughout the performance when she would sneak a glance at him over her shoulder to his seat across the auditorium he kept his eyes intently focused on the stage, she could feel his eyes on her when she wasn't looking.

Rachel stood on the stage that nurtured her dreams and caught up with people she dearly missed. Tina filled her in on Sectionals, Mercedes told her stories of singing back up for a woman who made first year Glee Rachel sound chill. But, as much as she loved these people, she couldn't stop her eyes from glancing over their shoulders repeatedly at the tall form and kind face of the boy- man- that she knew would always own her heart. He laughed at words she couldn't hear and accepted numerous congratulatory hugs and accolades for his work on the musical. She wondered if she should just wait until the crowd died down before she could offer him her own. But, when she saw him say his goodbyes to Kurt and Arty and exit into the wing without so much as a glance back at her, she got her answer. Her heart fell and the tears returned. The girls turned behind them to see what she was reacting to, saw nothing, but knew who it had to be.

"Rachel, are you OK?" Tina asked sympathetically.

This snapped her back into the moment. "Uh- Yeah. I'm fine." She plastered her best fake smile onto her face and nodded to convince herself.

But, how could she be fine? Nothing was like it was supposed to be. Finn couldn't even stand to look at her. He just left without saying a word to her like she wasn't even there. But then again. She couldn't really blame him. She's the one that ended it. Guess it's time to face the consequences, she thought. She returned hugs and promises to keep in touch better and by that time, Kurt had made his way back over to her.

"You ready?" he asked, sensing something was off and knowing what it had to be.

Rachel simply nodded, leaning her head into his shoulder when he wrapped an arm around her.

As she settled into her bed in her old bedroom that night, she didn't even bother with removing her make up. She let out a little laugh when she thought about how Finn had called it her "crazy town" night time ritual and how she had thrown things. Then there was a stab of pain in her heart when she remembered how it felt to be wrapped up so tightly in his arms talking about a future that ended before it got started. If anybody had asked her six months ago if she would be in a place where Finn couldn't even stand to be around her she would have slapped them for asking such a stupid question. It didn't feel natural for them not to be speaking. Even when they were apart two years ago they always talked. Sighing, she took her phone in her hands. Swallowing hard, she typed the text:

_The show was excellent, Finn. You should be proud of yourself. I know I am._

She nearly threw up when she hit send. And until her text alert sounded ten minutes later she was certain she didn't take a breath._.._

_Thanks_

And that was all. No elaboration. No 'good to see you' (she was sure it wasn't) no 'glad you came.' She decided to leave it at that because he obviously had no desire to chat. She placed her phone on her night stand and turned out the light, stopping to let her eyes fall on his picture that still sat next to her alarm clock. She ran her fingers over the image and felt her emotions start to stir again. She threw herself back on her bed and drifted off eventually.

The spotlight hit her face just before she heard the music. She was standing on a very familiar stage next to some very familiar people. She looked down to see that she was dressed in a white shirt and navy blue skirt. Kurt stood to her left, then Tina, Arty, Mercedes… and … Finn. Wearing a navy sweater with white stripes.

_I've got chills…_

He was singing. It was their first glee rehearsal. She could feel all the feelings she felt that day when she first met Finn Hudson and her life was irrevocably changed. Attraction then wonderment then something so powerful it made her want to scream. She sang when she was supposed to, meandering through people she now called her dearest friends. She took him by the hand, saw the fear in his eyes. And just when she expected Mercedes to break in with a "hell to the no," the scenery changed. She was on Finn's Grease set. And her clothing changed drastically. With an off the shoulder top and pants that seemed to be painted on, she continued. But, this time when she looked back into Finn's eyes there was no fear. There was warmth. There was desire. There was love. They danced and sang flawlessly, chemistry combusting all over the stage. When the performance was over, Finn dipped his head as they both panted with the exertion of their performance. They smiled at each other, smiles of accomplishment and adoration. She felt his hand run from her lower back down and around her hip and just before she felt his lips touch hers she was awakened by the ringtone on her phone.

"What. Kurt?" was her irritated answer.

"OOOOOH… someone woke up on the wrong side of the mattress," he quipped.

She relaxed her tone. "Sorry. I was dreaming and -"

"Well, get dressed. Dad wants to take us out for lunch before we leave."

"Alright. Give me thirty minutes."

Lunch with Kurt and his Dad was very fun. Rachel always loved seeing the two of them together and how much Kurt's Dad loved him. She knew that her Dad hadn't had that experience as a young gay man and it made her heart soar that her best friend did. Rachel kissed Burt's cheek to thank him for lunch and, as always, he blushed, which she found absolutely adorable. On the ride back to her house for her to pick up her things, Burt announced that he needed to run by the tire shop to pick up some papers he left on his desk. Rachel felt her stomach lurch. The tire shop was probably the last place in all of Lima she wanted to go. It was Saturday and she knew that Finn would be working without a doubt. She looked to Kurt whose eyes had widened to the size of grapefruit and he just held her hand whispering a reassurance. They pulled up and she saw Finn's truck sitting off to the side of the shop. He was in there alright. And given the fact that she had a one word text on her phone, odds were, he wasn't up for a visit. And after the dream she had, she wasn't up for one either. She opted to stay in the car while Kurt and Burt went in without her. They hadn't been gone long when she got the sudden urge to pee. Too much coffee, she assumed. Determined to hold it, she shifted position about six times before realizing they weren't coming any time soon and that she would soon be defeated by her bladder. She went into the shop through the front doors and snuck into the bathroom without even seeing a sign of Finn. She had every intention of sneaking back out to the car without seeing him as well, but unfortunately her plans were deterred when he exited the men's room at the same time she exited the women's. They collided and Rachel felt a jolt run through her at the contact. She giggled but that was was cut short when she met the cinnamon colored eyes that were staring down at her. She knew that look (she knew all of his looks). It was the look he got when he was caught with his defenses down by something that could potentially destroy him. She had seen it the day he found out about the baby. She saw it the night he got turned down by that recruiter. She had seen it the day he found out about his Dad. She had seen it the day he had gotten his rejection letter. And thought those had been some of the worst experiences of his life, she was now receiving that look. She was now one of the worst experiences of his life? The pain that came with that realization was almost more than she could handle. And she cried, unable to not. She was so used to his arms being the next sensation after the tears that she was almost confused when she didn't feel them.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, not accusingly, just out of sheer surprise to see her.

"I," she paused to wipe her tears and caught a hint of sympathy from his face. "I was out to eat with Burt and Kurt and Burt had to stop. I wasn't going to come in, but nature had other ideas. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"It's obvious you don't want to see me, Finn. I can take a hint."

"Not very well, then. Don't you get it, Rachel?" Hearing her name fall from his lips nearly knocked her to her knees. "I want to see you more than I want to see anyone else in this whole entire world."

Surprise and hope rose in her eyes. But the hope soon diminished.

"But, I can't. I just can't be around you. It hurts too damn bad. I see you and I want to hold you and kiss you and just forget the fact that you don't want me anymore. And I just can't." Finn hung his head and shook it slightly, sighing into the air and looking over her shoulder while biting the inside of his cheek.

"I want you," she said in a whisper so soft he almost missed it. But, he wasn't sure so he ignored it before a deep inhale and continuing on.

"It's why I left last night without talking to you. Seeing you in the hall almost made me run all the way home. So, look. I don't want this to sound mean or anything, but, can you do me a favor? Just, like, don't contact me, OK? Not right now. Because I get a text or a call and I am just wrecked. And, when you're home, don't tell me. I can't see you. Because, if I see you, I'll never get over you. And if I never get over you I'm gonna die a very unhappy man."

By this time, Rachel was crying silent tears and had no words to say other than a very weak, "OK, Finn."

She closed her eyes as he breezed past her and walked away. She turned when she heard him call out to her.

"Hey- I hope you're really happy in New York, Rachel. I hope you get all you ever dreamed of," he said sadly. And with a half hearted grin he walked out of sight.

It wasn't long before Burt and Kurt made it back to the car and found Rachel crying hysterically in the back seat. Burt looked lost and more than a little scared looking in the rear view mirror at her and watching his son gather her into his arms.

"Shhh. Rachel. It's all gonna be OK." Kurt looked at his dad through the mirror and simply murmured, "Finn."

Burt felt like an idiot for bringing her around and drove home, apologizing as she got out of the car.

Coming home for Thanksgiving wasn't going to happen. No way. It had been two weeks since Finn walked out of her life and she wasn't in a very thankful, festive mood to begin with. But, after he asked her not to contact him anymore, the mere thought of running into him, even if by accident, made her chest tighten up. So, Kurt offered to stay with her and have their first holiday together in NYC. They ventured out to stand with the crowds around Macy's to take in the parade, enjoying the energy the city provided. Rachel couldn't help but think of Finn who loved this parade. He had watched every year since he was a little boy. He loved the balloons the most and always wanted to see one up close to find out whether it really was as big as he thought it was. She wished he was with them. And an angry thought flashed through her mind. _He could have been. It was his choice._ But, the anger was quickly replaced by sadness when she realized they would have been married today had things gone as planned. She got herself together for Kurt's sake and pretended to have a great day.

In Lima, Finn enjoyed turkey with the family and Sam who had been invited to join since he couldn't make it home. He stared across the table at the two empty seats that were supposed to be occupied by his brother and the love of his life. They were supposed to be married. It was supposed to be their first family holiday as man and wife. He felt his food threaten to return and excused himself with the excuse that he needed his Thanksgiving Day nap. But Carole knew better. She had seen him staring at that chair and knew what was going through his mind. She allowed him about an hour alone before quietly moving up the stairs to sit on the bed next to her only son.

"Finn?" she started quietly. "Why don't you just call her?"

"Mom, I can't." He didn't remove his forearms from where they rested over his eyes.

"Why not?" she asked, honestly not seeing the problem.

"Because. I told her not to contact me. So, calling her wouldn't send a very consistent message now would it?" He kept his arms up, mostly so she couldn't see how red and puffy his eyes were. His mother gently guided them away from his face and looked at him the way any Mom would look at their child when they were hurting. But, there wasn't anything she could say that was going to make it any better so she just sidled up next to her full grown and then some man of a son and held him while he cried. She hadn't seen him just lose it since all of this happened and it was encouraging to her that he was allowing it to get out. "I miss her so much, Mom," he sobbed into her chest. She stroked his hair and rocked him gently.

"I know you do, Son. And it'll all work out. You two belong together and you'll figure it out."

"You really think so ?" he asked as his crying subsided.

"I know so. It's in the way the two of you look at one another. It's the way she hands you things before you ask for them. And the way you listen when she talks about things. You're best friends. And that will be what brings you back together."

"Thanks, Mom. I hope you're right."

"I'm a Mom, Finn. I'm always right. It comes with the job," she said, receiving a chuckle as she got up and closed the door behind her.

Christmas was Finn's favorite holiday. He loved everything about it. The lights, the songs, the smells, the trees. And the season was lifting him, ever so slightly, out of the funk he had been in for almost two months. He was in such a festive mood, he even threw a small party at home for his friends and the glee club. His Mom had cooked dinner and tons of cookies. He thought about Rachel's sugar cookies and how last year she had baked some and written promises on them like coupons. Back rubs, action movies, and other things that were making him blush at the moment. He beat those thoughts back. He had been having a good day and he wasn't gonna ruin it for himself by taking a trip down memory lane and running the vehicle into a tree. Rachel was home. This much he knew and not because she had told him, but it was kind of hard not to hear about her when she lived with his brother. But, he had managed to avoid her throughout the week which was both life saving and completely disappointing all at the same time. He returned his attention to the Christmas karaoke going on in front of him and couldn't help but laugh at Sugar's interpretation of Santa Baby. It was the night before Christmas and he looked over to see that he still hadn't gotten the tree. He and his Mom had put it off because they had been so busy. But, he loved them too much not to have one. And he thought of how fun it would be if they all decorated it together. He quickly excused himself and promised a quick return.

A couple of blocks over, Rachel sat curled up with a magazine. She had heard Finn was throwing a party and it came as no surprise when she didn't get invited. It hurt, but, it was probably for the best, she thought. Christmas had never been that big of a deal in her house considering she was Jewish. But that all changed last year when she and Finn had shared such a magical one together. Her mind briefly thought of Barbra the Pig and cringed when she realized Barbra had already been someone's dinner by now. And then she thought of her star. Her Finn Hudson star. The one that was supposed to remind her that he was watching over her. So much for that. He didn't even want to glance at her much less watch over her. What a difference a year made. She missed the childlike excitement that Finn brought to this time of year. She had never experienced it before and she had so loved being with him over the holidays. She suddenly began missing him more than she had allowed herself in weeks. She needed to be close to him, but she knew she couldn't. And then an idea sprung to mind that made her feel like even if she couldn't be with him, she could have a piece of him with her at least.

Finn walked the rows of the Christmas tree lot trying to choose one that didn't cost much, yet would complete his Christmas season. He had just rounded the corner of his third row when he saw a white beret. And under that was dark hair falling down a black wool coat. She was waiting for her tree to be wrapped and as she waited, she looked straight up at the sky searching for something intently and he half way smiled when he realized what it might be. And in that moment, he wanted to talk to her. It had been so long and right now, looking at her, it didn't hurt. He waited for the pain to come but it just didn't. And he knew that he had to talk to her. His heart gave him no other choice.

"Which one do you think it is?" he asked from just behind her.

Rachel spun around, startled. She took in a quick gasp when she saw him standing over her. He had a slight twinkle in his eye that wasn't there the last time she saw him. Her eyes widened and she blinked furiously trying to compose herself enough to form a thought. She swallowed hard and turned her eyes back to the sky.

"I – um- I -I think it's that one," she pointed, not looking at him.

Finn bent toward her slightly and followed the line of her finger to the one he thought she was pointing at. He could smell the vanilla scent coming off of her and he had to close his eyes to ignore it.

"Why that one?" he asked, smiling, and trying to relax.

"Cause it's the brightest," she said honestly with a small shrug. She tilted her head down shyly.

Silence fell between them as he registered the sweetness of her answer. She chanced a look into his eyes and found warm appreciation staring back at her. Finn shuffled his feet and smiled a real smile.

"So," he started, "You buying a tree?"

"Well, yeah," she said unsteadily.

"Is this a new Jewish thing I don't know about?" he asked lightly.

"No. I'm actually buying this because of you."

Her words sunk into his gut and caused it to turn. It wasn't anger or sadness. It was happiness.

"Me?"

"Yes, you," she said with a roll of her eyes and a grin. "You made me see how fun Christmas is and I was sitting home and it just felt empty without a tree. Remember how you insisted we have one last year even though my Dad's didn't quite get why? Well, I really liked it. So, I was home alone and I decided to come get one."

Finn smiled at her and couldn't help but think about how cute it was that she had come all the way here by herself for a Christmas tree. By herself. "Where are your Dad's?" he asked.

"Oh- they got called at the last minute to go see my aunt in Florida. I have to be back at class at NYADA the day after Christmas so I just hung back here and they went without me. It's OK. We did all of our celebrating and everything before they left."

The tree lot owner let Rachel know that her tree was ready and offered to carry it to her car for her.

"I'll get it," Finn offered before smiling back at a blushing Rachel.

Finn chose his own tree and hauled the two trees out one at a time. Rachel waited by her Dad's Prius while he loaded them both in his truck.

"How did you think you were going to get this home, Rach?" There eyes locked when he used her nickname and gentle smiles formed between them.

"I didn't think that through I guess," she giggled. And her giggle died when she realized where they were standing and that they had been there together before.

And it was almost as if he realized it at the same time because his face fell into sadness along with hers.

"That was a bad night, huh?" she asked, knowing he was thinking the same thing she was.

"Yeah. I'm still hate myself for it." he said in a whisper. " I shouldn't have left you here like that with no way home."

And her words came out before she could stop them. "Neither should I." Her eyes found his and she saw the moment he caught her meaning. She shouldn't have left him behind without a way out either. And in that moment something shifted between them. Finn reached down and laced his fingers with hers.

"Hey. Everybody is at the house. They don't even know where I am cause I thought I'd surprise them with a decorating party. Do you wanna— I mean since you're alone— I thought maybe you'd-"

"I would love to, Finn. Thank you," she finished for him.

Everyone was surprised to say the least when he walked through the door with Rachel. Carole beamed as she hugged the tiny brunette and nodded when she caught Finn's eye. The night was so much more fun with her there. They all played games and sang more songs and decorated the tree. It was after midnight when the last of them left. Finn turned to Rachel who was gathering her coat and was filled with either boldness or stupidity. He couldn't tell which.

"Why don't you stay here tonight?" he asked.

Rachel's shock and anxiety were all over her face. "Finn, I don't-"

"Look. It's just sleeping. You can have Kurt's bed. It's late. And tomorrow is Christmas and you're all alone and nobody should be alone on Christmas. Just stay. And we can wake up in the morning and have pancakes," he said with a grin.

"Pancakes?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "How can I resist?"

Finn smiled an ecstatic smile and took her coat back to the closet.

Upstairs, he led her into Kurt's room and walked away suddenly as she stood there confused as to where he went. He returned with one of his long sleeved T shirts and a pair of his boxers. He also had socks because he knew how cold her feet got.

"Thanks, Finn," she said barely above a whisper, smiling up at him through her lashes.

He shrugged as if to say it was no big deal. "So, have everything you need?"

She fought the urge to say 'no because I don't have you.' Instead, she simply nodded.

She could see that he was reluctant to go. How she had started the night under a request not to contact him and ended up standing in his house getting ready to spend the night was beyond her. She watched him fighting his instincts and decided to make it easy for him. She walked over to him hesitantly, and slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. It was the first time she had touched him in nearly two months and she couldn't help but melt into him. His response was just as emotional. His arms locked tightly around her and she heard him inhale deeply, laying his cheek on top of her head.

"I've missed you," she murmured against his chest.

"Me, too," he said against her hair. After several minutes of just holding each other, he finally stepped away from her. "Good Night."

"Good night, Finn." She watched him close the door behind himself before changing into the clothes he had brought her and crawling into her best friend's bed. She could smell Finn on his shirt and ducked her nose under the fabric to take in as much as she could. It was overwhelming to her that he was in the same house with her. She still wasn't sure why all of this was happening but she wasn't going to question it.

It was barely after 6:00 when she felt herself being gently shaken awake. A smile crossed her face knowing that when she opened her eyes he would be the first thing she saw. But, she was wrong. She saw the sweet smiling face of Carole Hudson-Hummel. She suddenly became self conscious about being there asleep in Finn's house. In his clothes. On Christmas morning.

"Good morning, Sweetheart. I am so glad to see that you stayed," Carole said as she squeezed Rachel's arm in a motherly way.

"Thanks," Rachel said, rubbing her eyes and sitting up slightly. "Finn just thought-"

"You don't need a reason, Rachel. You will always be family and will always be welcome in this house."

Rachel smiled at the sentiment. "I'm glad," she replied.

"He's missed you, you know?" Carole said thoughtfully.

"I've missed him, too." Rachel admitted and looked down at the edge of the duvet she was playing with between her fingers.

"Rachel, can I ask you something? And if you don't want to answer I completely understand."

She was hesitant, but Rachel agreed.

"Why exactly did you break up with Finn? I'm not accusing or taking sides or anything like that. It's just that he hasn't ever really told me much and it was just so surprising. Like I said. You don't have to tell me, but I had to ask."

Rachel thought for a long moment. "I broke up with him because I was mad and hurt that he was missing from the earth for four months and let me worry. I was mad that instead of staying with me and working out our issues when he returned, he chose to run home without a word. I broke up with him because I couldn't find his dream for him. And I couldn't keep trying to convince him that he is amazing and having him refuse to believe it." Rachel paused and looked up at Carole briefly to judge her reaction. She was just nodding with a pensive look on her face. "What did he tell you?"

Carole looked at Rachel a moment, deciding if she should divulge this information, but she knew that she may be the only one to ever get this thing started back in the right direction.

"He thought you wanted to be free. That he was too much of a burden right now and that you might want to see someone else." She said it all so matter of factly that the weight of it was almost lost on Rachel.

"Carole, there is no one I want to see more than Finn. And he wasn't a burden. Not at all. But, I couldn't keep fighting a losing battle. How was I supposed to help him find himself when I was still finding me?"

"Honey, I know. Believe me. This time in your lives is so hard. But, if you don't mind me saying so, you two are better together. I've never seen anyone, even adults, work as a team as well as you and Finn. And, if what Kurt tells me is true, you have been just as miserable as Finn."

Rachel blushed, cursed Kurt silently, and nodded.

"Well, there's no better time than Christmas to make things right. Now, I am about to pass something on to you that is one of my most cherished moments of the year. I want you to go upstairs and wake Finn up for breakfast on Christmas. And I want you to share that moment because I am hopeful that it will be you for years to come." Carole hugged Rachel and kissed her forehead. She quietly left her alone to think.

A few minutes later Rachel was padding down the hall, stopping just outside Finn's bedroom. She took a couple of deep breaths and opened the door. Her heart clenched when she saw him lying there. He was on his back, one arm behind his head and he was breathing deeply. His bare chest was exposed above his comforter and it put butterflies in her stomach. She tiptoed over to the bed to sit next to him. She ran her hand through his hair over his ear and stifled a giggle when he pressed his head against her hand.

"Finn?" she called sweetly. She allowed herself to crawl up to lay next to him.

"It's Christmas, Finn," she said a little louder causing him to flutter his eyes open. A wide grin formed on his face, eyes still closed.

"Hi," he said drowsily, rolling over to pull her close.

She let him hold her awhile before she decided just to throw it out there.

"Finn, what changed?"

He thought a moment before answering. "I'm not sure, really. I guess I just got enough of not having enough of you."

She giggled at his nonsensical statement. "What does that even mean?"

Finn pulled himself back from her so she could see his face. "It means," Finn picked up her hand and held it to his chest, "that I don't want to be without you anymore. I don't know what you want and I am not trying to rush anything but I need you in my life. There are so many good things happening to me right now and every time I get excited about it you are the first person I want to tell. I know I started the whole no contact thing because it hurt too much, but the truth is I'd rather be in pain and get to see you than be in pain without you to talk to. I know you don't want to be with me and I do-"

Her lips cut off his thought. His were resistant out of surprise at first, but it didn't take long for them to catch up. He reacted eagerly, tasting her for the first time in months and it was as if he couldn't get enough. It was a matter of seconds before the kiss became something more intense than either of them were ready to explore with his mom waiting downstairs to feed them pancakes.

Out of breath and very alert, he looked into her eyes. He was searching, questioning, hoping. "Does that mean that-"

"Finn, I shouldn't have just left you behind. I was just thinking about how hurt I was and I wasn't thinking of how bad off you must have been to have treated me that way. I'm your best friend and I didn't do a very good job of proving it. But, you have to know that I could never move on from you. And I swear this had nothing whatsoever to do with -"

"I know," he said, cutting off her promise. He knew all along deep down that it wasn't about someone else. He toyed with the fingers he still held against his chest.

"So, we're done?" she asked.

He flinched at the memory of her words and she immediately knew why. She brought her face closer to his. "We're done being done?" she smiled softly.

His eyes returned to hers and he returned her smile, grateful for her understanding.

"Yeah," he breathed and kissed her again, soft and slow.

"Merry Christmas, Finn."

"Merry Christmas, Rachel."


End file.
